Fangirling 101

So you think you know what it takes to be a true fangirl, huh? Of course there are many different levels of ‘fangirl’ but to be the most extreme takes a lot of time, devotion, tissue for all the drooling and nose bleeds as well as passion. For those who would like to step up to the challenge of making it the extreme level or for those just starting out with really high goals to meet, I’ve put together a few steps that will help you in your ultimate fangirl dreams.

(WARNING: This is in no way intended to target any group or individual whatsoever. It’s just a little sarcastic and over exaggerated for fun… a little)

Step1: Pick your new Idol!

Preferably from a boy band. These are the easiest and just plain out more fun to fangirl. Usually because there’s the period of figuring out your favorite guy among all the sexy guys in the group. The more members to choose from the better!

Step 2: Learn to love them.

Search up websites that have his biography on it as well as the other group members. Listen to every song religiously as well as radio show appearances. Read every magazine interview and watch as many music videos, variety shows, and dramas even if it’s just a walk on with 3 lines! You have to know every single step your new future hubby has ever made.

Step 3: Always declare your love 24/7!

This part is easy as long as your thinking about your idol day and night. All of your online aliases and usernames should be changed to something that obviously states your devotion to him such as  XiahlLuVsMeh69  or xXGacktloverXx00. Your livejournal, myspace or blog of some sort must be filled with his pictures, wallpapers, and even the newest single playing when someone visits the page. Write your devotion all over your notebooks and have his image as your cellphone background. The whole world must know about your passion for him!

Step 4: Buy WHATEVER they sell!

No matter how stupid or useless the item is you have to support him. If it has his face on it, buy it. Even if Walmart has the same exact product for a fraction of the price, that little yellow bouncy smiley face just doesn’t compare to your handsome prince’s smile.

Step 5:  He posseses every talent!

Don’t pay attention to what actual critics say. Let’s just forget that officials get paid to give honest reviews about your future husband’s work, critics don’t know or love the group like you do. Even if they don’t actually have talent, who cares? Your boy’s smile is enough to melt anyone away.

Step 6: Flame the Anti-fans

Your boy is the best and dont let anyone say different. Comparing bands is one of example of the anti-fan’s fuel. So forget those other boy bands that actually write lyrics, coreograph the dances, or just plan contribute in some way, your band is #1 and the lower creatures are inferior.  So, no matter how negative the comment is they are automatically an anti-fan. Heck, saying they didn’t like his hair style in a TV show means IT’S WAR!

After thourougly completing these steps you are now at a high level of fangirldom, but you just don’t anything like that! You have to go all the way to be an extreme fangirl! Therefore, these last steps are very critical in your process.

Step 7: Unite as fangirls!

You can’t possibly be his only fan. Even though you just spent your college book money on his posters and accessories, your student loan can’t be the only one filling up the management’s pockets. Join those online fan-made sites, compare fanfics with other fangirls and hold your own un-official fanmeetings (because the official $100 golden club membership card you just applied for can’t seem to make it in the mail any sooner). Here, you can meet people with your same passion for your band’s talent, but many just have more common sense than you do at this point are not as devoted as you. And remember that you must uphold the fangirl SSS and that means squeak, scream, and squeal but this time in unison!

Step 8: All rumored girlfriends DO NOT exist (you’re his only love)

If the media has pictures of them on a secret date hunt her down and chop off her hand! He may never have one and most certainly not at the height of his career. You are his future dream girl and only you are going to marry him. Your day-dreams and fantasies tell you so no matter how outrageous they are. No one else can lay a finger on him unless it’s a band mate yaoi fan service.

*note* Your life is a drama similar to the ones he’s acted in. During your fateful meeting he will casually bump into you and as you both ignore the laws of physics completely, eventually land on top of each other locking lips and we all know this is how he will fall madly in love with you.

Step 9: He is GOD

You will do anything for him and his band. If the company decides to add new members or break them up for solo projects you MUST protest. Your boys are one and only untill you sweep him away for your life after marriage will he have to be seprated from his group. Untill then, do what ever it takes to go agaisnt management which includes threats to boycott products and standing outside the office buliding in hordes. Forget about work and school because they obviously are not as important as protesting for the better outcome of your entertainers’ career. You know very well the company would rather deal with a rabid pack of wolves that have rabies then your screams. This is because your fandom is power and your squeals are law and money talks all for the sake of your GOD. Without him around, you have no purpose.

When you finally see your boy as god, you are now officially insane the most extreme fangirl ever! Congrats! After spending a lot of school time by fantasizing and wasting money on useless products, you have reached this amazing point. You are now the most extreme but, after about 10 years later and he actually ends up getting married to his high school sweet heart aka NOT YOU and by this time it’s hoped that you have snapped back into reality.

Of course there are only steps for those willing to take the challegnge. Will YOU be able to make this title!?