Hey, Americans, Happy Thanksgiving. That means stuff your face and watch some movies! I’m catching up on film, including The Namesake from 2006. One scene got me thinking about relationships between Asians and non-Asians–how their cultural navigations are portrayed in film. Here’s just a few that stick out–add a few of your own.

In The Namesake, Mira Nair’s adaptation of the Jhumpa Lahiri novel, Gogol (Kal Penn) takes his white girlfriend Max (Jacinda Barrett) home to meet his very traditional Indian parents. Max ignores many of the politely-given instructions on cultural taboos to respect. I cringed. But the real kicker was when she asked to attend a family mourning ceremony. “I wanna go to India with you to spread the ashes!” Good Lord! Gogol’s in mourning, and she’s gripping his arm, wheedling her way into a trip abroad. I know what the white girl wanted….the trip to India would “prove their love.” But it came across like attending a family mourning ceremony was another notch to make in her cultural-experiences belt. That really bothered me.


How about Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story? There’s a blast from interracial dating’s past–made in 1993, the film is based on Linda Lee Caldwell’s true story of falling in love with the studliest, Bruce Lee (played by Jason Scott Lee). In 1960s California, an Asian man and a white woman faced a great deal of discrimination. A couple of scenes stay with you. Remember when they had their first date, and the restaurant host made them sit at the bar? Or, when Bruce went to meet Linda’s mother, Vivian (Michael Learned), and Mother Dearest asked Linda, “Are you pregnant?” and Bruce almost broke his teacup? Of course, that must have been the only reason a white girl would take a Chinese boy home. And then, her mother says, in front of Bruce, “Yellow babies? Is that what you really want?” Ohhhhh….that just went right through me. And I first saw that film before I even met my hubby! Let me just tell you, Mrs. Bigot, my “yellow babies” are the greatest.

Okay, one more. We’ll go back to Bengali and hit some politics with Mississippi Masala, Mira Nair’s 1991 feature debut. An Indian family is kicked out of Uganda by the cruel dictator Idi Amin, and relocates to Mississippi. Their daughter, Meena (Sarita Choudry), falls for Demetrius (Denzel Washington). And they’re mad. They have this past bad blood with African people. The racist attitudes of their white Deep South neighbors coundn’t have helped. The result is something of a maelstrom, and well worth watching.

It’s fascinating to me how pervasive racism is. Even those who have experienced it still sometimes subject others to it. At the same time, interracial relationships often have to navigate considerable cultural differences. Real discrimination can get mixed up in legitimate concern over these matters.

Interracial relationships in film give us a window into what really happens when people who don’t look alike fall in love. I want to hear from you. Tell me some of your favorite films and scenes of interracial love. What made you cry? What made you laugh? What made you think?


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all i know is i want to marry an asian woman, and have half asian babies.


taraPopp and sakie--I think it’s great that you all are desensitized. I see IR relationships as just another choice. I will say this--I did not go out of my way to marry outside of my race. I just happened to fall in love with someone who looks different from me.

I’m very thankful that American society, and increasingly, other societies around the world, are growing more tolerant.

As far as some groups doing IR relationships on purpose, out of societal pressure....that’s really something I can’t speak to. I do think there’s something to be said for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and respecting the freedom of choice of other people. For example, if an Asian woman happens to be with a white man, I don’t think it’s fair to assume that she’s “discriminating” against Asian men.

I am interested in more discussion of how IR relationships are portrayed in film....


I dont want anyone to down Alvins statements please. He has a right to his opinion as I do mine. Plus we both have experiences to prove our statements are true. In my experience my parents are very open about me dating other ethnicities and religions but the ASian men (I have dated) parents are not as open. Im always too white to meet the parents or get well I have a Asian girlfriend too or my parents want me to marry within my race excuse.....

I do realize that yes society everywhere is xenophobic and yes this very much is a puritan white male society of which I am neither so please dont punish me. IF anything want more acceptance and more global thinking not more separating. I want us to realize we are the same race the HUMAN race and everything else is just semantics

I don’t want to place blame at all because there are obsticles on both sides of the (society and traditional) coin on why asian males and nonasian females arent getting together, I just mentioned one.

But I want to do my part for that to change so everyone can do whatever they want and enjoy or even marry who they please without fail. I dont want people to look at one another with putting each other in catagories I just want people to be people. Its why im here, its why I write lol!

Anyway I think Alvin is probably passionate too. The way I am when it comes to this but believe me if anything .. I had much worse said to me when I discuss this subject so yeah.. its cool


I don’t understand why people just can’t be more tolerant of each other. If people want to do date outside of their race, it’s their business.


Hoc - 11/28/08 7:16 pm

Alvin, I think you’ll find how amazing it is to reach people if you just took out the condescending language.

Hrmp… Alvin brings up valid points. But he’s also attacking Mia. Aren’t those two both bloggers on Ningin?


Drama…

can’t we all just get along?!


Alvin, I think you’ll find how amazing it is to reach people if you just took out the condescending language.


mialerda: [Lets face it girls. Asian women marry outside of their race but Asian men go to great lengths to NOT marry outside of their race. They are taught not to marry beneath their status or make hapa babies all the time. They want purity in their children and are taught the world wont accept them which is some racist lie made by xenophobic society. Truth is men dont like change and dont adapt well. They are catered to in most ethnicitys and always have their importance put above women. Asian women can marry any ethnicity and any religion and adapt because women are just stronger in that sense. ]

What the hell are you talking about?

Asian males are into women of all races, but they are going up against stereotypes and dating discrimination the same way Blacks used to be discriminated for jobs.  Also, whose fault is it when I hear Asian mothers literally tell their sons they must marry Asian, and then get all giddy when they encourage their Asian daughter into marrying a White guy?  Why don’t you talk about that double standard going on.  Also why are you so obsessed with making a hapa baby?

You also fail to realize we live in a White-male dominated society, which means that a White male with any minority female pairing is much more accepted than a minority male of any race with a White female.  When Halloween comes around isn’t it interesting that Cowboys and Indians costumes always has the female as the Indian.  Only in the last few years have we seen an Indian or East Asian or Black guy paired with a White female on screen.

The rest of your post is just insane gender generalizations about men and women.


I’m trying to think of films I’ve seen that has interracial couples, and my brain is blank. 

Oh wait, Harold and Kumar, but . . . it wasn’t exactly deep and memorable.

The thing is, I’m so whatyamacallit . . . desensitised?  I guess that’s the word.  But yeah, I’m used to seeing interracial couples around me, so I guess when I watch the films and when there are interracial couples, I don’t SEE IT.  I just see them as another couple.


Hey, thanks everyone for the Thanksgiving wishes. We all have a lot to be thankful for, no?

MiaLerda, I appreciate the points you’re making, even if we don’t completely agree. And (The Namesake spoiler alert) I do agree with what you said about Gogol’s Bengali wife.

Truth is, relationships have many of the same problems, whether you marry interracially or not. And sometimes the issues are based on how traditional you are, or not. But you are right...there are still some double standards.

Soybean--sometimes people get into IR rel for bad reasons (making Mom and Pop mad, etc.)--wrong reasons lead to problems. True love and ability to compromise lead to happiness.

Happy birthday, MiaLerda! You can hang out and rant at my blog 24-7-365 smile

Good dialogue.


Actually I got something totally different from the movie. Max loved Gogol and was trying to be apart of his family although she did not know the traditions she tried to care for him through his grief. She was trying to be their for him to sahre his experience to get to know him better. Family and tradition is what makes us all and she wanted to adapt to that. Its not her fault she was whitewashed and without ethnic tradition and doesnt know how to deal with someone elses greif. When you see your lover hurting you want to be there so she said flat out… I want to be there (TO be with you)

When he said you are not apart of my family to her it broke her heart. It meant she was just a play thing to him.. some curiosity and not good enough to be apart of his family. When a woman becomes someones Lover, and she clearly was, they bond to that person like a family. She was along side him in her mind and beside him but he wasnt in hers.

It made the fact he set out to marry a same ethnicity wifey who was the same turned out to be a total skank though a total slap in the face he deserved because the one that wanted to be beside him he screwed over.

Anyway thats what I got from the movie. But then again I see it through my eyes the way I would deal with someone I love going through grief wanting to be there.

Lets face it girls. ASian women marry outside of their race but Asian men go to great lengths to NOT marry outside of their race. They are taught not to marry beneath their status or make hapa babies all the time. They want purity in their children and are taught the world wont accept them which is some racist lie made by xenophobic society.

Truth is men dont like change and dont adapt well. They are catered to in most ethnicitys and always have their importance put above women.

Asian women can marry any ethnicity and any religion and adapt because women are just stronger in that sense. We adapt to culture and adopt out inlaws.. it is how we can go from caregivers to breadwinners so easily.

Now I am not saying Asian men marry outside of their race never but it is a rarity because it is known that it isnt frowned upon culture wise like something bad. No one is YAY you married the white girl or the blackgirl in fact asian parents are pretty strict even with their own inner societies so eh.. Just I see alot of obsticles on both sides when it comes to the stigma that comes with interacial relationships

Bruce Lee was a true story of real love. That is the way its suppose to be… linda stood by her man throughout all his crazy crap even if she didnt understand it she was there.

ANYWAY thats my rant. I hope you dont mind that I sorta wrote my own blog as a reply LOL! forgive me this once since it is my BDAY today!

ANYWAY YAY hapa babies. Im gonna have my own some day!


Like in the Joy Luck Club when she brought home her white boyfriend. I don’t remember her name.


LOL?! Like who?


Happy Thanksgiving Elena!

I like watching movies about interracial relationships but sometimes the partner is a complete jerk and it makes me wonder wtf why are you guys together.


I remember The Namesake. Very good date film =)

Happy Thanksgiving Elena!


Meh never really noticed.


The only way it happens is when the movie is about interracial relationships. haha


There’s usually so much controversy when they have interracial relationships in film.



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