I’ve watched a lot of things lately that I seriously regret watching. After Infinity Challenge’s coma inducing “EnerGee,” I thought nothing could top my disgust. Then came along Streetfighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. Having seen the terror Streetfighter movies have unleashed in the past, I braced myself for a beating on opening night. But this time, the only thing Streetfighter hurt was my feelings.

Yes, Streetfighter: The Legend of Chun-Li could possibly be the worst movie of all time.

The latest re-butchering of the Streetfighter storyline sends Chun-Li (Kristin Kreuk) on a mission to solve the mystery of her father’s kidnapping at the hands of M. Bison (Neal McDonough) and his right-hand men Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan) and Vega (Taboo). Meanwhile, she is being flanked by two detectives Charlie Nash (Chris Klein) and Detective Maya Sunee (Moon Bloodgood), who are attempting to bring Bison to justice. Curiously, Chun-Li’s massive thighs are missing from this movie along with any believable fighting ability. Also, Kristin Kreuk’s Mandarin is very, very (VERY) abysmally bad. But aside from these obvious flaws, there are far worse sins committed to be had.

Nevermind that every western movie set in Asia must feature stereotypical gravity defying Kung Fu full of mystic ancient Chinese voodoo. Nevermind that this movie was just a giant excuse to fit barely-Asian-Kristin-Kreuk into as many skintight outfits as possible. Nevermind that half the movie is just a terrible soul-stealing exchange of sexual innuendo between Klein and Bloodgood. What truly ruins this movie is how they exploit every cliched line in recorded history (and actually spent the time thinking up new brain cancer causing monstrosities). They cover everything from, “Chun-Li, you know what to do” to my childhood favorite: “No wonder you hide that face; it’s because you’re so ugly.” Ouch.

M. Bison: “Your father has been the milk of my enterprise…..unfortunately milk has an expiry date.”

Honestly, these guys couldn’t even pay for a real explosion and had to CG Balrog firing a rocket launcher into a building (somehow, they even screwed that up). Speaking of which, what was up with all the guns in this movie? I kept waiting for someone to go into bullet time because I honestly could of been watching the Matrix.

For all I know, I also could have been watching a bad porno without any sex. Too bad you can find better acting and a better story online… for free. The similarities, though, can be astounding as half of the movie involves Chun-Li getting beat up, tied up, stressed out and being called a school girl by the main bad guy—for who knows why—while the other half involves a previously mentioned pair of annoying characters and their brain rending excuse for promiscuous dialogue.

The best part of this movie? The fact that they HAD to be saying all those cheesy lines on purpose because there is absolutely no way anyone can survive this movie with a straight face. The other best part is that Liu Kang (his real name is Robin Shou, but who cares?) also manages to show up in this movie and is now able to add one more terrible video game live-action adaption to his sparkling career (up from DOA: Dead or Alive and Mortal Kombat).

Bottom Line: Don’t watch this with your friends. Don’t watch this with your significant other. Don’t even watch this for a good laugh. You won’t be smiling when you leave.