Guys, meet Masanobu Sato. He is the biggest wanker the world has ever seen and dude will take that as a compliment. He beat (pun intended) his own world record at this year’s Masturbate-a-thon in San Francisco by jacking off for 9 hours and 58 minutes. That’s two minutes to ten hours - a record he hopes to achieve next year. Next year? Someone please put an IV in his peen.

Masanobu said he is going to pass on competing in the world jack-off contest in Copenhagen, Denmark because his peen is about to file a restraining order against him. I am surprised his peen hasn’t packed up and left him already. Poor chapped peen’s been seriously overworked and is in dire need of some rest. Someone please call the peen union!