My Dearest Beyonce: I adore you. With every ounce of my being, I try to channel you behind closed doors in my underwear, with hopes of finally nailing down the Single Ladies dance. I, like Kanye, truly believed you had one of the best videos of all time. Until I saw a video of Charice perform your Halo song live at this year’s Big-E fair.

Now Queen B, you may be confused about the Chipmunk voice she does at the beginning of the video, so here’s my confession: I think she might be a bigger diva than you. After all, who scores a role playing HERSELF in the upcoming Chipmunks 2 movie that’s out this Christmas? And then nonchalantly has ice cream as she’s being interviewed about this role on TV, showing off her chipmunk voice? Now-now a diva is a female version of a chipmunk, of a chipmunk, of-a-of-a-of-a chipmunk…

Do you need to know Filipino to understand this video? No.

Beyonce, I don’t know what to do. My heart is torn. And I can’t seem to fit into your Dereon jeans line no matter how many times I try to convince myself that my Spanish ancestors donated their non-flat-Asian-ass genes to me.

Please make jeans for my genes.

Love Always and Forever,

Jinra

PS. The audio in that first video makes it sound like no one was responding to her but it may very well just be fault of the recording focusing on her voice rather than the audience.

PPS. You’re welcome: