Thanks to the likes of Anne Rice and Laurell K. Hamilton, vampires have become increasingly popular in the West- and increasingly romanticized. Sure, Rice wasn’t the first to write about handsome, brooding vamps, but she did light the match that started the fire. Now we have Twilight, with its oh-so-sexy vampires that sparkle in the sun.

I’d be lying if I said I never fell for that (well, I’ve always hated Twilight, but I’m crazy about True Blood), but today, I’d like to get back to the basics and share with you what vampires are really about. If the Pontianak didn’t scare you, prepare to be frightened- or at least extremely grossed out.

India: The BrahmarakShasa
Try to visualize, if you will, a creature with a head encircled by intestines. This evil spirit from northern India, the BrahmarakShasa, loves eating humans. It carries a skull through which is sucks the blood of its victims, and then devours their brains. Afterwards, it wraps the intestines of the victim around its body and performs a ritual dance. Tasty!

The Philippines: The Manananggal
In Visayan, “manananggal” means “self-segmenter”. At first glance, the manananggal is an older, beautiful woman. Seasoned, but date-able, right? Not so fast: at night, the manananggal severs its upper torso and flies away with huge, bat-like wings to prey on unsuspecting, sleeping pregnant women. It uses a long, proboscis-like tongue to suck fetuses from its victims. But it doesn’t dine on fetus alone: the manananggal also enjoys hearts, livers and the phlegm of sick people. That’s right, phlegm. Gagging yet?

China: The Jiang Shi
Zombies or vampires? How about both? In China, when a person’s soul fails to leave their body after death, their corpse becomes reanimated. The appearance of a jiang shi depends on the length of time the person has been deceased, but generally, you’re dealing with a hopping- yes, hopping- human corpse with rotting flesh, arms permanently outstretched by rigor mortis, with greenish-white furry skin (think mold, guys) and long white hair. They detect living things by their breathing and then kill them to absorb their qi (life essence; also spelled “chi”).

How’d you like to date THAT?