Ninja Thanksgiving: You Know You’re a Ninja If…

Lillian Tran on Monday, November 23, 2009 5:00PM

Are you currently facing an identity crisis? Do you think you’re a ninja but your mom keeps telling you you’re crazy? Are you having doubts now? Don’t worry! This You Know You’re a Ninja If… guide will help you in your time of confusion. If you don’t meet any of the criteria on this list, then you are not a ninja my friend. Sorry.

You know you’re a ninja if…

1)…you have a tendency to conceal items under your clothing. You would start off with your wallet and maybe your keys to hide them from potential pickpockets. But then it will start to escalate. You’ll start hiding your phone in your socks, bandages in your gloves, candy in your undergarments and your cat under a hat. Just knowing that you have items that no one is aware of makes you feel a little bit more confident and prepared. You’ll never know when a person may need bandages…or a cat.
Why is it important? A ninja must know how to conceal weapons and important documents from enemies.

2)…you tend to lurk in the shadows. You might have grown up hating the sun or just prefer the freshness of shade but sometimes you wonder, why am I like this? God must have had some purpose for me to stand in the shadows. Yes, he did. You were meant to be a ninja who stands in the shadows and stalk your enemies. People may think you’re creepy but who cares? You’re one step closer to becoming a freakin’ ninja.
Why is it important? Ninja must be stealthy and hiding in the shadows is an effective way to sneak up on opponents.

3)…you have an affinity to the color black. Does your wardrobe consist of black shoes, black socks, black shirts, black pants and black underwear? Good. I guess you won’t have a problem transferring to the ninja wardrobe.
Why is it important? Black clothing can blend well in most environments, especially since most missions takes place at night. Also, black matches well with many colors so you can pimp out your weapons as much as you want and it will still look good with your uniform (diamond encrusted shuriken anyone?).

4)…your mode of transportation is jumping from roof to roof. Who hasn’t tried jumping on rooftops? All the cool people in action movies do it. And if you are good at it, then congratulations! You meet one of the requirements to be a ninja.
Why is it important? If a mission goes wrong, an easy way to escape is to jump on the rooftops. Many people would not dare to chase you in such dangerous conditions…unless it’s another ninja. Then you’re screwed.

5)…you unintentionally sneak up on people and startle them. Have you ever entered a room during a conversation and when you suddenly speak up, everyone is surprised you’re there? They didn’t even notice you came in and that may make you feel slightly lonely. But don’t be! First of all, ninjas don’t need friends and second, your lack of drawing attention to yourself would be an important asset in future missions.
Why is it important? Being able to walk around unnoticed makes it easier to complete missions with no complications.

6)…you enjoy climbing trees in your free time. Have people ever called you a monkey because of your talent at climbing trees? Don’t worry about it. They’re just jealous that you meet one of the requirements of becoming a ninja.
Why is it important? Anything can happen during a mission and ninjas do require some rest once in awhile. The best place to rest would be in the tree tops where it would be less risky to be located by the enemy (unless you’re clumsy and fall off…then you, my friend, are not qualified to be a ninja).

ATTENTION: I am not a certified ninja nor do I have a degree in ninja-ology. So please don’t take the article too seriously. Thank you.

We’re thankful for you and ninjas. This blog post is part of the Ninja Thanksgiving Special.

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