CrazySingeLife Preview: Meet Cerulean - Female, New York, Straight

As part of the ongoing preview on CrazySingleLife, we’re going to introduce some of the dating stars before the site launches. Each dater on CSL will have an alias derived from a color. They also have to write two posts before they start dating, an introduction post and a Mr./Mrs. Right post. The introduction post is meant as a description of themselves, but not like height, age, occupation. It’s more a window into their soul and the journey that their heart has been on. The second post is an open letter to the future Mr./Mrs. Right so that he or she will know to come calling on our daters.

The following except is from the introductory letter of Cerulean, one of the two female bloggers for CSL. On Monday, you met Tenne and on Wednesday you will meet Steel. Enjoy!

“To say ‘I love you’ one must first be able to say the ‘I.’ ” -Ayn Rand

It seems like a fairly simple rule to live by and after many failed attempts to love and be loved, I understand fully, the importance of the statement.

In 2004, I picked up and moved from a small college town in the midwest and away from my boyfriend of three years to reach for my dreams of becoming a big city architect. The relationship was, and still is, the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. It lasted another year after I moved away. In the end, it did not work out because I chose New York City over moving back to be with him in the midwest. Yes, my heart still aches over his absence, but he is now married and there is nothing I can do but keep on moving on.

I look back at who I was then and realize that it was a great relationship because at the time, I was very happy with who I was. I had a steady job, a core group of friends, and life was predictable. When I moved to New York, my sense of self was shattered. All the challenges of surviving and scraping together a semblance of a life changed me and altered my relationships with my family, friends, and the love of my life. I see now that part of why it never would’ve worked out between the two of us is because we ultimately were headed in different directions. We were both too naive about life to really understand who we were. We loved each other, but more we loved the idea of each other. We had no idea what were were doing. Not a clue, but we thought we did. We thought we had it all figured out and that’s why our love was strong.

I chose New York City over him because I knew that I was changing beyond the limits of our relationship. I didn’t totally comprehend it at the time, but now I do. He was simply part of my story. A chapter that had to be lived to bring me about to where I am now, today, as I am. I don’t regret it anymore. Today, I have a clear idea of who I am and what “I” means.

This is only half of the letter. Read the rest when CrazySingleLife launches this week!